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There's more than one way to skin a cat....'s Journal
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Date:2007-03-18 08:57
Subject:Greedy little....

greedy bastard

It's a fridge magnet.
I want one.

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Date:2006-05-01 23:37
Subject:Clay Cats (skeet)

This game is violent, graphic, twisted and sick....and it makes me giggle like a school girl. Enjoy.


I'm not sure about how or if to set security.

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Date:2005-07-13 09:33
Subject:Cat people
Mood: horrified

I don't understand cat people, I really don't. What I don't understand even more is how cat people manage to marry and breed. My landlady owns 7 cats (the legal limit here is 3 cats per household) and also has a husband and a grown up daughter. This makes no sense to me. Anyway, here's some more psycho cat people for you to marvel over:

the 300 cat woman of doom!Collapse )

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Date:2005-05-03 10:46

I have no doubt others could do much better, but I have been amusing myself this morning.

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Date:2005-01-06 23:39
Subject:Grow your own...

We've all come across the Bonsai Kitten website at some point haven't we.
I, however, had not come across the uproar it caused - and still causes - from certain sectors.

Like this numpty:

"Browsing the web one day I came upon a site that was so disturbing it made me cry. After which I had to do something. If anyone knows what to about it here is the site:  http://www.bonsaikitten.com/bkmethod.html
It is a site offering services to "Bonzai a kitty". The site discribes jamming a kitten into a small vessel with air and feeding tubes, inserting superglue into its anus for a waste tube to stay put. After months of this type of toture the kitten is then either slid out or the glass vessel is broken to remove it. The kitten is by this time fully formed into the shape of the vessel and is permanatly disfigured. Anyone out there that knows the proper people to report this to please this should never ever happen even in the worst of worlds!"

All spelling nothing to do with me.

I had a read through the guestbook on the Bonsai Kitten site and I've not laughed so much in ages. There's a good mix of outraged, ignorant people and the other kind too.

For example:
"As a professional cat-juggler, the biggest challenge I face is the poorly balanced body of the average kitten. Their large heads and flailing legs make them twist unpredictably as they fly through the air. Is it feasible to make a spherical kitten? This would make my job much easier, and also would be safer and more comfortable for the cats being juggled. I would love to be able to bring this technique back to my homeland, where we have a rich tradition of cat-juggling that goes back over 400 years."

and a Haiku:

"My bonsai kitten
Bounds with the grace, speed, and guile
Of a cinderblock."

The guestbook alone is worth a read.
Just thought I'd share. :)

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Date:2004-10-17 20:01
Subject:How To Clean Your Toilet The Fun Way

How To Clean Your Toilet The Fun Way

The Brush

  1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

  2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

  3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

  4. The cat will self agitate(!) and make ample suds.
    Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

  5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

  6. Have someone open the front door of your home.
    Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

  7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

  8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

  9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.


The Dog
The Dog

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Date:2004-08-10 09:37

Hello. Pleased to announce my joining of this lovely little community. Why am I here? Because things like this make me want to hurt people.

That said, I'm a really nice person, honest!


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Date:2004-06-07 23:57
Mood: amused

Hello all.

I joined this community a few days ago...
So now I will proceed to salute you, my fellow cat-haters with this admittance speech.


Okay. I'm not much on trying to sound eloquent or type pretty things... but I feel in joining this community I should introduce myself.


I'm Kara, I'm seventeen, and I really do despise cats. I came across this community when I saw that "not cats" in my intrests was actually mutual to somebody else; so of course I HAD to click on it... which brings me here to this lovely cat-hating fellowship of truly smart human beings.

Maybe I should make a list of why I hate them:
1. The first cat I ever met sliced my best friend's eyelid open, yet she still wanted to keep the dingbat... why do all cat owners put up with crap like this?!
2. This same cat continues to scratch her often.
3. I have encountered many other cats who attack you if you make some slight movement for the same reason as the cat above; none.
4. Cats always lick themselves... i don't CARE if its hygene!!! You don't lick hair! Thats discusting! Fur balls galore!
5. They just purr and want food and want to be petted and go away.
6. You actually have to spend money to get them checked up, which is really an awful waste when you could buy yourself an ant farm or something which would give you way more pleasure than a feline.
7. Cats claw everything. Or they pee on stuff. Yah happened to my clothes once at a friend's house. NOT lovely.
8. Cats are stupid.
9. Cats are stupid.
10. Cats are ugly.

Hmm that about does it. An even list of ten.

Cheers! -Kara.

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Date:2004-05-24 19:51
Mood: content

hey all.
thought i'd say hi, since i joined a few days ago and didnt announce my presence.

i, along with many of you here (that i've noticed), dont really have a problem with cats, moreso the owners that do dumb things with their cats. im also severely allergic to cats and i cant be around them for longer than 10 minutes without getting some kind of sinus-type infection.
also, i am not offended in any way by the sick humor of this community. had i been, i wouldn't have joined.

just thought i should get that out of the way.

alright, im done now, so have a nice day/night/whatever you wanna have nice.

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Date:2004-05-24 18:04
Subject:Punk Cat

Sometimes I think the cats would be safer living with people who don't claim to love them!!

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Date:2004-05-23 18:02
Subject:I have a little problem
Mood: chipper

Hello dears!

I was chatting to a chum of mine earlier today and they just happened to mention this community and do you know what I thought to myself? I thought, now there's a group that will be able to help me with my problem.

What problem I hear you ask? Surely Auntie Mary couldn't be having any problems, but I can assure you I do.

Irritating Pussy.

Two of them, to be precise. Both of them not much older than kittens, so they're all spitting and hackles and they decided to invade my back garden a few days ago. They've made such a mess. My begonias are all but done for and they've soiled my soil!

Now, I don't mind cats in general, but I've always been a dog person myself. If my father ever caught one in his prize strawberries, he used to sort them out with his old service revolver. Of course, I would never do something like that. For one thing, I don't have a gun.

I've tried everything I can think of to shoo them away. I've squirted water at them, swatted their noses with a newspaper (although that might be for labradors, thinking about it) and sprinkled my bedding plants with pepper. I'm sure my next door neighbour (Mr Thompson, nice man, suffers from gout) thinks I've gone quite mad.

I don't know where these kitten have come from, but they're a damn nuisance, if you'll pardon my language. Has anyone got any ideas how I can rid of them for once and for all?

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Date:2004-05-22 18:06
Subject:New member request

I found out about your community through some flaming English twat that had a problem with your bit of feline satire. His comments were quite silly and the more pissed he became the funnier it was. You guys definatley took the piss outta that one.
Although I do own 2 cats and dig them, i also loathe the sight of a litter box, the stinch of cat piss, those annoying fleas, fucking hairballs and ugh!...worms!!! I have a love of satire and irony so this community rocks my planet. Hope you guys allow, thanks.

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Date:2004-05-13 21:58

God help me, I am one sick individual.

Kick the Kitty

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Date:2004-04-28 12:13
Subject:Cat Cloning
Mood: scared

Oh. My. God.

As if there aren't enough cats on the planet, you can now pay to have them cloned!

Are 9 lives not enough?

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Date:2004-04-19 10:01

Check it out:


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Date:2004-03-17 17:22

Hehehehe. Heh.

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Date:2004-02-10 14:53
Subject:One more reason to eat Chinese...


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Date:2003-11-16 22:54
Subject:Pilfered from a friend...
Mood: amused


It's relevant. Honest.

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Date:2003-11-13 00:06
Subject:sale now on
Mood: chipper

road kill

It wasn't me!
I didn't do it!
Nobody saw me do it!


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Date:2003-10-05 20:21
Subject:sometimes, I don't have the words...

one fucking fat bastard of a cat

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